oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
