I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
