In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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