sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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