i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
