considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize