just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
