I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
