I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
