Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
