I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
