i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
