Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
