I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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