I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
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