you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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