I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
