Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize