I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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