Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
