I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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