his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize