yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
