girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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