I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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