You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
