so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
