Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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