ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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