You can't motorboat a personality
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
