Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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