So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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