I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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