as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
