This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
