why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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