He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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