it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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