im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
