i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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