It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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