morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
