nut hugger
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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