Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
