He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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