Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
