Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Found the puke drawer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
