I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
third nipple confirmed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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