At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How's work?
Spinning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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