My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
