Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
