Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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