what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
