our cab driver is having phone sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
