Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
