you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
