Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
