So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
