Define "chronic" masturbator.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
