She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
