I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
