Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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