if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
