Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize