I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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