They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
