boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
