Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
